A Lazy Post

Lazy because I'm not really feeling like updating properly.

So...

It all started with a haircut. Our usual haircut, 1/2 inch long on top, tapered sides. "No, I want it shaved mama," he says. OK, 1/4 inch all the way around. "NO, I want to see my HEAD mama, I want to see it like Captain Picard." I busted out laughing, cursed my nerd of a husband, and busted out a razor. Why not, I thought:



And sure enough, a week later, it is 1/8 inch all around and he no longer looks like an alien.

---

It was really cold last week. So cold that the lake at our favorite park froze. Which is really something special around here. We don't exactly live in a skate-on-the-pond kind of area, it just doesn't usually get below freezing for very long. The lake wasn't solid enough to do a ton of walking on, but the kids all got a chance to stand on the ice, and throw stones across the slush (it made really cool noises).

Can you all

Send your positive thoughts/prayers/whatever you believe in over to my friend and classmate Morag, in Leafy Corner. She is nearly three hours away from me, and if I wasn't so sure my 10pm arrival would be quite as much trouble as help, I'd be heading over with some food and hugs. In the heirarchy of horrible-things-that-can-happen, this one doesn't really rank up near the top. But she has had quite enough to deal with, without this one more thing that happened today. And I will let her update you or not herself. For now, just send her some good wishes, please. The universe has been horribly unfair to her this year.

Onsite, onsite, onsite

Oh *sigh* onsite. How I love/hate thee.

This quarter, our onsite weeks are, in theory, three days long, owing to the fact that we get more of our hands-on directly from our preceptor/student clinical situations. This, however, appears to be an illusion. We had two days that exceeded 12 hours with less than a full hour break, and we had a day down in Olympia, and a final day that lasted only 8 hours. By my reckoning, not only is that FOUR days, we spent enough hours to have made it FIVE if we were going for eight hour days.

Anyway, that was a very long way to say - it was quite as strenuous as our five-day onsites, and I'm damn tired.

There were, however, some real wonderful things this week.

At Olympia on Thursday, we had our lobby day. Our legislators, it turns out, are a lot more approachable and a lot more sensible than I had imagined. Many of them were willing to take actual immediate action on our issues, particularly since we came armed with tentative language for an ammendment to a bill that has troubled midwives in the past. At issue this year (as it has been for the past four years) was licensing fees. I could, at this point, having given the pitch to no few people over the course of Thursday, ramble on about this for a good long time, but I'll let the MAWS website give a fairly succinct, if infrequently updated, summary of the issues. The study that came out of last year's push for an updated licensing law is a VERY good thing. I enjoyed Lobby Day very much, and shall be going every year from here on out. What we did need was more MIDWIVES. There was a small herd of students and a few consumers and a few people who are very involved and integrated into the community without actually practicing midwifery, but there were only four midwives and only two of them actually came and stayed all day.

What else to say about my week?

~L~ fucking rocks. She took my kids for big long chunks of six-kids-at-a-time time, and somehow managed not to die or kill any children. She didn't even maim them. It is amazing. We actually got to sit up for a little bit after the kids went to sleep on Weds night and just chat, which is something that never happens, really, since the kids are always awake and around and involved any time we get together.

NeighborS also rocks, putting in two shorter but still substantial days, which brought her contribution to 18 total hours with EIGHT CHILDREN in her house.

I missed at least one birth this onsite, which sucks. I missed a HOME birth, which I found out about pretty quickly, but I don't know if I missed any hospital births, which my preceptor will tell me about when I come in next week (or get called tonight or this weekend, since I'm back on call).

We had a newborn exam lab today, which was somewhat fun. Babies do not, however, like having their nostrils occluded one at a time to check for patency of the other nostril. The more laid-back infant one group was inspecting just kind of shook her head around and expressed some displeasure, but it sent the poor little fellow I was messing with right into conniptions. Standards be damned, I am checking as much of the newborn as humanly possible while it is still attached to its mama's breast.

And I adore my Midwifery Care instructors this quarter. The material is quite as rigorous as always, but they are very creative about games and projects and activities that are actually fun and actually benefit us. It is refreshing.

Readathon

The readathon is in full swing in Niki's house. Girliness is handling the brunt of the actual reading, but everyone is getting involved:

Picture Catchup

View out the window last week:

Some fun in the snow:

Out with Daddy for some bike riding and scootering:

ActionGirliness:

This is the trike we gave her last Christmas; the fit she threw in the store the other day was over an identical one:

Happy thoughts, Boyness?

Toddlerness = BittyPrincess

I am renaming her, because her Toddleriffic days are over. So PSA, Toddlerness will henceforth be known as BittyPrincess.

Good Fun

A couple weeks ago, Fran discovered the Aloha Hawaiian Grill, AKA "Niki's new favorite place to eat." We went there as a family yesterday, meeting MIL and sFIL, and it was AWESOME. Fran and I split a laulau and kalua pig plate. The three hundred pound man and I split a plate. I think I could feed me and all three (stuffed themselves silly) kids on a $8 combo plate. YAY. It is about impossible to get this food in the PNW without it having been frozen and thawed and generally gross-ified, so I am very very happy that this is right in the path of the discount grocer and IKEA.

So we packed up our leftovers and headed off to Marie's place, and went swimming at her Y. BittyPrincess decided that she wasn't afraid to go underwater after all, she just hated getting water up her nose. So she spent a good long time swallowing large amounts of water and diving to the bottom of the 4 foot section of the pool. Not that she can keep herself afloat or anything. Just that she's no longer afraid to go under. Thus begins the most dangerous phase of her swimming learning.

We had a BLAST. Their Y ROCKS. Ours sucks in comparison, and I'm a little bitter about that. How come we have a shitty pool and a few good workout machines in a boring 60s deco room? I'm surprised our Y doesn't smell like cigarrettes, it just has that ambiance.

Next week is onsite week, and I am attempting to shoo the kids and the husband out the door today, so that I can finally do some of the work I've been putting off this week. Mostly because BittyPrincess has been playing the HOLD ME HOLD ME I'M GONNA DIEEEE IF YOU DON'T HOLD ME game every time I get on the computer or open a binder. It has been irritating at best and infuriating at worst. And no, I can't let her cry, she's too loud and distracting. I have been really frustrated about it this week.

Here She Comes!!!

Today, toddlerness:

Saved the day!!! Right off the couch arm. 5,000 times.

Made a painting right on the table in yellow, orange, and clear-sparkly nail polish.

Re-cut her own hair.

Walked barefoot through the parking lot at Target. It was 38 degrees out.

Ate an apple before I paid for it. And after dropping it on the ground.

Threw a full-on kick-and-scream tantrum in the store, complete with "PUT ME DOWN!!!!" and "I DON'T WAAAAAANNNNNNNAAAAAA." When I did put her down she RAN LIKE FUCKING MAD down the main aisle, which apparently meant Boyness had to follow yelling NOOOOOO at the top of his lungs, me racing along a distant third yelling "[BOYNESS], [TODDLERNESS], STOP!" We sure did give the other patrons a tableau to laugh, cry, tsk, or call CPS over.

Isn't THREE grand?!

Beauty

A snowfall last night, a woman in labor. Deciding it wasn't an emergency, heading out into a world double-whitened by snow and sun at 8am. A baby born just past noon, pirouetting her way into the world, gracing my hands for the briefest moment before her mother caught her up to her chest. A family's joyous tears, a loved baby nestling on her father's naked chest, entirely content. The stirring of a longing for another of my own.

Beauty, beauty everywhere.

Fun with Scissors

Or not-fun, to be more accurate.

I cut Toddlerness' hair. Now that she's three, I should probably think of something else to call her...but I digress...

If there is anything harder than cutting a three year old's hair, it is getting a photo of that haircut. It took like 50 pictures to get ONE where you could tell what was going on with the hair. It is WAAAAY shorter than I was aiming for but DANG that girl was squirmy, even when I gave her a huge bag of jelly beans and told her to pick out a favorite. Still, she eventually calmed down enough for things to get roughly even (even if the final level was some 2 inches above what I'd originally hoped for). Not a perfect haircut by any means, but we'll survive. And by the time she's ready for another haircut, she had better damned well also be ready to sit still for a few minutes.

Before:

Submerged

In an ocean of school work.

We had an awesome week, with first my sister and then my brother visiting. Did all kinds of fun stuff; the zoo, the park, fires in the yard, lots of fun. The kids were burned out by yesterday, and had a pretty crabby morning - but by evening they'd levelled out, and then went to bed early of their own volition.

My siblings have been on a childhood-memories kick lately. The gifts they got us this year are awesome. Fairy Tale Theatre on DVD! There were even a couple we managed to miss as kids. Strange, many of them, but the kids love it, and I'm getting a real kick out of it. LittleBrother got us something very like this, which elicited happy childhood memories (including one of my dad making a mad dash across the living room, blowing wildly, after it had crashed to the carpet).

Meanwhile, the tide of school work has come up on me, beginning with an artificially short four-day first week.

A Start-Of-Quarter Vent

Yesterday was suppposed to be the start of the quarter at Seattle Midwifery School. This afternoon I got access to partial syllabi for most of my classes. My financial aid is still up in the air.

Why is this so hard? This is the process, quarter after quarter, year after year. This school wants to be a model of professionalism in midwifery - but this is the kind of shit that happens time after time after time. It isn't even different shit each time..it is the same shit. Late syllabi, late course openings, students/school not knowing or understanding their financial aid paperwork and packages.

This reminds me of those people that are chronically late. That can't leave the house on time ever, because they always seem to not give themselves enough prep time or traffic time or fuck-up wiggle room. The solution to those of us who are generally on-time kinds of people seems really simple - start getting ready earlier. The same advice would apply, or one would think, at Seattle Midwifery School. Chronically late with the syllabi? Why continue to delude yourselves into thinking you can get it done better and faster this quarter? Start the crunch earlier. Move up those deadlines. However you do it, I count on you to have the materials where I can read and use them in a timely manner so that my life can move on. I have three kids to homeschool and a busy midwife preceptor to keep up with. I don't have time or energy to waste on this shit. Again.

School Rant Addendum

We are losing a classmate this quarter. Losing someone always makes me sad, but she has held on so well for so long with so many other things going on in her life. I am sad for her and sad for myself and my classmates, who will miss her presence both online and at onsites. And I am mad. I am mad because this school has let her down. Because they have jerked her around. They have charged her for practicum credits that haven't been completed, and then - THE FUCKING GALL - not followed up appropriately for her to get those credits despite all the effort she had to go through to get someone not really friendly to midwifery to complete their end of the work. I am so upset about this I can hardly see straight. How can a school that wants to be inclusive and about making good, qualified people into good, qualified midwives turn around and do this shit? This is someone who CAN and SHOULD be an excellent midwife, the sort of person that is an asset to the school and the profession, and she has been thoroughly run over and left in the fucking ditch. HOW. DARE. THEY.

Seattle Midwifery School - all about helping people, when it's convenient and easy and doesn't mess with our day too much...and doesn't mean we have to part with any possible cash...?

No, it is not SMS's fault that she can't get federal grant/loan money as easily as some other students. But there has been a ton that SMS could have done to help her stay enrolled, and they not only didn't do it, but the callousness has been astounding. I'm not talking about forgiving tuition; I'm talking about keeping their end of the bargain. They didn't just fail the one student that dropped out this quarter; in a sense they failed us all.

Ring in the New Year...

With BABIES!!! A nice run of them starting on the evening of the first - a VBAC and two first-timers, all of which were very interesting for reasons beyond birth being cool in itself. Somewhere in there, we managed to cram 6.5 hours of clinic, and my preceptor was actually running back and forth between two rooms yesterday as two women had babies nearly simultaneously (luckily? one of them didn't want a student there) - which left me doing a whole heck of a lot in one of those rooms.

Between my last post and all of these babies, we also suffered a nasty stomach "thing" that had me queasy for a week and barfing/miserable for 24 hours, but that everyone else seemed to barf rather quickly out of their systems. We went to Marie's for the New Year and had a great time, too! So it has been a nice busy week. And, back to the dishes that built up during that time....

Christmas Pictures

We had a great Christmas this year!

The stockings were great fun:




The kids LOVED their presents:





BOYNESS - can't you just, you know, make a NORMAL face?



Then we went to Nana's house, where the adults tried their best to stay awake, and the kids had yet more fun. The girls especially appreciated the dresses their Nana sewed for them (she even sewed a tag into them that said "made by NANA" - it was very cute).



The kids got to eat the gingerbread house they had made the week before (surprisingly not nasty - MIL had kept it under plastic wrap and it was pretty fake to begin with):



And yeah, he may be a goofball, but Boyness sure did have a great holiday:

Lengthening Days

Solstice around here is a special event. Aside from the fact that it marks the midway point in the hell of non-light that is winter in the Pacific Northwest, solstice also marks the birthday of my youngest child, who is now three years old.

"Happy Birthday [toddlerness]!" I shouted yesterday morning, when she arose late and happy and wandered into the living room. "Mommy, I three! I can go in a kid zone now!! Can we go to IKEA?"

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, we celebrated all things celebratable in one fell swoop at ~L~s house last night: a solstice party where we exchanged Christmas presents and sang happy birthday to Toddlerness (twice - once for her presents and once for her cake).

There was an ungodly volume of child, and a tad too much rum. But everyone had a great time.

Winter Activities

The things that brighten winter...

Putting finishing touches on the tree: A trip to the pass: Who said baking couldn't be MANLY: Yes, Fran takes the kids to the snow a lot:
(that is supposed to be video of the kids playing in the snow, we'll see if it eventually loads right...)

Post-Shower

And I still feel shitty, but have regained enough sanity to think that I'm being a bit of a shit myself.

So we had a great time this weekend, really. An impromptu get-together at ~L~s, Girliness had a two night sleepover, Boyness had some daddy time all to himself, and I got to sign Toddlerness in at IKEA for the first time and have an hour and a half of NO CHILDREN and no other pressing anythings. DAMN did that hour and a half fly by quickly.

Toddlerness is really getting into this whole Christmas thing. Demanded green fingernails, wearing sparkly red headbands and green shirts...she's way into it. She's also not even three yet. I shudder to think of the preteen/teenaged years. For now, it is hillarious and fun. Although I'm not sure anyone believes that she dresses herself that way. Oh well. She's happy.

Girliness has taken an interest in a workbook called "sentences to paragraphs" and is progressing nicely along that. Boyness, on the other hand, can think of little other than Super Smash Brothers *sigh*. At least HE is happy. He can kick my butt at that game, too.

I want to curl up in a corner and cry...

We didn't thank FIL for his gift fast enough (for like the third or fourth time - we're habitual offenders), and he's offended.

I didn't send off my package for my family yet...and they're in Hawaii. Not going to be on time. Again. CRAP.

In over 9 hours of clinic today, I saw 1 miscarriage, 2 blood pressure readings high enough to set my own heart galloping, 1 vbac consult that...I mean, her chances of not having a csection this time around are dishearteningly slim, 1 woman with twins who has had to transfer out of a more laidback homebirth practice into a hospital birth, 1 woman with life circumstances that just SUCK, 1 woman who is sitting at 41w with nary a sign of labor, and only ONE WOMAN who is having a happy, healthy, totally normal time of it.

I did, though, get to talk to a the lovely 9yo daughter of one of the high-bp-reading moms, and explain the function of all the parts of the NST equipment, and what it was measuring, and how we could tell baby was happy and when mom was having a contraction. It was some silver lining in the midst of a day full of telling people things they didn't want to hear.

My preceptor was saying she'd like to trade places with her dog. I want to cry, but it wouldn't fix anything because the distress these women feel isn't even mine, and the FIL issue and the my-family box aren't going to be fixed by a few tears. Instead I think I'm going to finish this blog entry, take a shower, and go read a very non-midwifery book. And head to the post office first thing in the morning.

Visits and Pictures!

A day at the pass with Daddy while I finished up the last of the schoolwork for the quarter and vacuumed up the tree droppings:




And a quick yo-yo teaching session with Papa in the evening, after he arrived on the late flight!


We went to the zoo the next day:


Did I mention Toddlerness took right to her Papa?


And reliving some baby times...riding in daddy's jacket:


The kids were sad, as usual, to see their Papa leave. I'm missing living close to my parents.

AHA!

If I ate like my preceptor - or even like how I eat on clinic days - all the time, I'd lose weight for sure.

Yesterday in the half hour that she was busy with a counseling session for someone that didn't want a student in the room, I wrote SOAP notes and reviewed charts and scarfed down the egg, two carrots, and orange I brought with me. So all yesterday I had that, coffee, and a bowl of spaghetti when I got to Neighbor's house to trade off (she watched my kids, I came back and watched hers).

Yeah, I'd lose weight for sure.

Which would be a good thing at this point.

While I love *who* I am, I am continually stunned...to see pictures of myself, to look down and see chubby hands, things like that. And I fluctuate all over the place, from pants almost falling down at the moment to barely fitting just before a period. Which drives me NUTS and has to be a function of the lovely padding I've got on my midsection right now. What is funny is that there is a very accurate scale at the YMCA, and I've found that even when I'm stretching/falling out of my pants, the scale tells me I'm only about a pound off. Am I destined to be this weight? Well, that would stink, eh?

Concluding the Dryer Saga

It has been a long time - what...two months? - since my dryer gave out in semi-spectacular manner.

This weekend my dad came (more on that when I find the camera). In addition to a trip to the zoo and more eating out than we're used to, he spent a couple hours replacing the socket and the dryer plug, to no avail...the old one was definitely fried.

Craigslist to the rescue! Before he'd even left town, I'd arranged to pick up an elderly but clean and working dryer for a whole $20. That I accomplished yesterday. Only to find that the plug wasn't quite the right type. DAMNIIIIIITTTTT. Went to Home Depot to see if I could get a different socket cover (seriously, it was a tiny difference and the internal stuff in the socket would connect just fine, I just couldn't get it through the plate). But no.

So armed with some more advice from dad, I spent nearly an hour today wrestling dryers and exchanging plugs from one to the other. And finally (finally!) I have a working dryer today.

Oh my goodness, the crazy. I am not sure I've ever been so happy to have accomplished something appliance-related, though! I have a fear - probably healthy but still - of dealing with electricity. I'll mess with the washer hoses or with plumbing any day (well, any day that I HAVE to), but damn if I didn't put off that job as long as humanly possible.

Lessons? I apparently can do pretty well without a dryer for a fairly extended amount of time. I suspect it wouldn't have been a problem at all if it weren't for the humidity of PNW winters.

Last Night

I went to my first birth as a student midwife! Whoohooooo! Beautiful water birth of a beautiful boy. Ah, the wonderfulness.

Boyness is SIX!

Happy Birthday Boyness! Here is the story I wrote right after his birth, and rereading it I'm wondering about potential inaccuracies...but I'll leave it as it is.

Deciding what we were going to do for his birthday was a bit of a fiasco. For a month, Boyness has proclaimed a desire to go to Red Robin for his birthday - which would be an our-family-only party. As we were finalizing that plan a couple of days ago, he changed his mind. Friends at the Science Center!! Drat, too expensive. Friends at the Zoo! Drat, snow/heavy rain forecast. In the end, all Boyness wanted for his birthday was fries and bacon. So out came the fryer, and Boyness had himself some fries and bacon. And was a very happy Boyness.

And now he's six. The first of my kids to kick over to the next year. Toddlerness will follow soon, and then Girliness, and then I'll have 3, 6, and 8 year olds on my hands, which somehow sounds very different indeed from the 2, 5, 7 year I am just finishing surviving.

Filling In the Blanks

Because I've left a lot of people who have participated in my life lately out of my blog.

We made the rounds for Thanksgiving, big-time. Which makes sense for us, because that is what we are most thankful for - these connections we have to our families and friends. So on Thanksgiving we went to MILs for the standard spread:




On Friday we grazed leftovers at ~L~s while the kids ran in and out of the house in full-play mode:




On Saturday we hung at the D (itandme) and had yet another re-Thanksgiving! The boys treated us to crazy stories, too!



We stayed the night, went to ~L~s, watched her kids for a couple of hours, goofed off with her for a couple hours, slept over, and flipped on into onsite week.

I have some pretty decent pictures of our placenta lab, but not everyone wants to see that (classmates of mine, I'll email them out).

I ate too much sugar and broke out big-time. I cried more often than is customary for me, but had a pretty low-stress week after all. On Friday I came home and for the first time, did not feel the need to go into a post-onsite catatonia. I cleaned up the kitchen and desk (!) and we ran off to IKEA, which was the kids' choice of activity.

We begun our day outside yesterday (after a hearty breakfast), wrestling the lights into place and making the kids pick up random trash they'd left around the yard. Just as I was completing the light-hanging, it began to snow. What timing! We didn't get any really great pictures, but here are a couple anyway:

Odd Childhood-ism

When I was in elementary school, a teacher summed up communism: "you are told what you will do when you grow up. You have less choice what you can buy - everyone may have to buy the same blender."

So to me, communism = everyone has the same blender.

Of course I've learned a ton since then. But it is just one of those things that comes up to remind me that we have to be careful about how we describe things to children. They might stick.

Placement (Probably) Accomplished, Moving (Probably) Planned

So yeah, barring major weirdness I'll be starting at a very busy practice in the first week of December. A VERY BUSY practice. Yiiiiiikes!! But this MW was telling me about how I do get to tell her when I want to be on-call and not. YAY for MWs that have their own backup plans!

And I submitted the rental applications for a place in Kirkland. Three bedrooms, here we come. Again, barring any major weirdness.

How strange to have those two things fall into my life at the same time, relatively out of the blue! As needed and looked-for as both events are, neither came through my direct efforts or in quite the way I was expecting. The Universe works, yet again...or so I hope. We haven't signed papers yet. So I may be bestowing a royal jinx upon myself. I shall knock on several large pieces of wood in penance.

Next challenge? WHO THE HELL IS GOING TO WATCH MY KIDS WHEN I GET CALLED TO A BIRTH once I've moved?! Holy nerve-wracking! Oh all ye Kirkland/Bellevue homeschoolers/unschoolers/homeschool or unschool friendlies....I'll trade you babysitting hours. Seriously. You'd only have to cover my ass in the daytime, no middle of the night babysitter calls...Fran's got that.

Non-Insomniac Insights

I swear, I have all these great ideas just as I'm about to fall asleep. Of course they deserve full attention and full treatment, but I just can't muster that lately. As I lay in bed, prisoned by sleeping Toddler and my own strange desire to actually get a little sleep, these thoughts are quite lucid and eloquent. As I sit at the computer in the middle of the night after finishing loads of reading and a little bit of writing, my brain has been pounded to the consistency of spicy mustard and these thoughts really aren't so lucid and eloquent anymore.

Still, they're not getting out otherwise, so here are a few that I can remember at the moment:

I just gotta love this whole "cesarean by choice" issue. Oh, gotta love it. A woman has a right (a right, I tell you!) to get a cesarean on request despite the fact that it is riskier than vaginal birth in low risk (and in many "risky") pregnancies. But she doesn't have the right to chose a vaginal birth? I've used up my thoughtful writing allotment for the month (how I'm going to get through onsite, I don't know), so instead of giving these points full treatment, I'm going to go ahead and just run the list:

• Doctors say they are after patient rights - what they're really after is their own right to make a living. If they were really after patient rights, they would be all over letting women chose VBAC after a risk/benefit discussion, just as they're all over letting women chose csection after a risk/benefit discussion. The fact that they're promoting the option that is more profitable, easier to schedule, less time consuming, more predictable, less likely to result in lawsuit, and *cannot be performed by alternative practitioners* is highly telling. When are women going to wake up and see this for what it is?
• Csection carries similar risk to vaginal birth for the fetus (various studies have shown slighly elevated risk to the same risk for csections performed without 'firm' indicators). Csection carries elevated risk for the mother and more trauma than vaginal birth (almost regardless of how traumatic the vaginal birth was! Csection is major surgery, remember, and even a very generous episiotomy...well...doesn't expose the abdominal organs). This proves *getting to the point here* that we STILL VALUE THE FETUS OVER THE WOMAN. If a woman balks at the stats that say she's more likely to DIE, that she will certainly experience morbidity, that her recovery will be difficult...she is told that it doesn't matter. Her baby will be fine. WOMEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES, about their own health, their own well-being, and their own recoveries. They have a right to care about these things, to ask about these things, to demand these things, without being treated like selfish know-nothing amoral pains in the ass.
• We can cut into the abdominal wall, severing abdominal muscles. But heaven forbid that the vagina and pelvic floor get a little wonky for a couple of weeks. Shows where our priorities are, eh? Are women good for nothing else?
• When is the last time you heard of a woman getting a legal order compelling a doctor/hospital to allow her a vaginal birth? Never, right? But there has been such a thing as legally compelled cesarean section. And there is, and continues to be, such a thing as doctor-coerced (institution-coerced, insurance-coerced) cesarean. Why does the opinion of a doctor, a hospital, or (worst of all) an insurance company trump that of the woman whose body (and perhaps very life) is on the line? Why can't a woman DEMAND vaginal birth from the very providers that allow her to demand cesarean? The answer, I am afraid, is that women simply don't mean very much. In the scuffle to achieve an ethical solution, we've placed the fetus above the woman. Her elevated risk doesn't matter. The fact that the fetus is likely to be as safe or safer (this is debatable but most doctors believe it) - that is what is important.

Reading into some of the issues surrounding legally compelled medical procedures (I'm so distractable, that wasn't what I was looking for in those journals...) I've come several times across the rather inflammatory notion - and one I happen to at least partly agree with - that it is our own damn fault that we're in this frigging mess. If women would disagree with their providers more frequently and more vehemently, maybe their providers wouldn't feel like they had this moral imperative to decide things for women. Maybe they wouldn't be so confused by dissent. Maybe they would realize we have brains after all.

The pregnancy websites and magazines are still littered with listen-to-your-doctor advice. As if most women needed any MORE prodding to be compliant! We've got this "thing," we women do - whether it is natured or nurtured into us is largely irrelevant for this specific discussion - we want people to be happy with us (to be happy at all, really), and we do a lot to make it so. It is difficult for women to stand up to their doctors and their nurses. Why? Intimidation, conditioning, desire to make things quicker and easier, sincere belief that the doctors and nurses are acting in their best interests.

I've officially run out of coherent thoughts for the night. 'Till next time...

Lake in the Fall

These don't require a whole lot of explanation: