I have good reasons to abandon the blog, but I should also check in because it isn't like I'm keeping a journal anywhere else.
It is no longer winter! WHOHOOOO!!! When I calculated my April due date, way back last August, I pictured myself sitting on a blanket in the sunshine with my infant watching the kids play. I TOTALLY intend to spend as many hours as I can muster doing exactly that. I really, really, really, really (REALLY) needed summer and sunshine. I am really glad it's here.
I decided that "Newbie" doesn't fit the baby. She'll be "Chubble" for now. It's my blog, I can rename her as often as I want. Chubble is now a month old, and closing in on 11lbs. That's over 1/3 more than her birth weight. Crazy, right? Her cheeks are getting chubby and she's accumulating fat rolls. She has a terribly unpredictable sleep (non)schedule. And despite the fact that she's a very noisy/active sleeper, I'm managing to get a decent amount of sleep myself, which probably explains why I'm feeling a lot more mentally "awake" and like myself than I have any right to feel at this point. There's this mental fog that new moms seem to walk around in; it's half hormone and half sleep deprivation. I guess I have the light burns-off-every-morning version rather than the weather-service-warning version. I still reserve the right to revert to full-on mama brain if my baby suddenly decides she doesn't like to sleep at night anymore. Right now the biggest sleep challenge is that I don't know whether she'll be out for the night at 8pm or will cling to consciousness until midnight.
I am having some overly-awake-BittyPrincess (Toddlerness, back then) flashbacks, since Chubble is awake a lot for her age. *THIS IS NOT THE SAME BABY I WILL NOT HAVE TO DO THAT AGAIN*
When I looked back for that link I read a few other posts (because let's face it, saying "fuck" fiftybillion times in that particular post was hardly the high point of my blog), and I realized that my blog used to be more entertaining and had better pictures. Maybe I have had more student-midwife/pregnant/new-mama fog going on in the past two years or so than I was giving myself credit for.
Still, life is looking decidedly normal. Which is a little bit stunning at barely a month postpartum. It's a little different getting around with the baby in tow, but for the most part this has been easier than I had anticipated.
I am VERY MUCH digging the 5 year spacing between Chubble and BittyPrincess. The others are 2 and 3 years apart and that was a lot harder, because there was no such thing as letting them go do their own thing while I dealt with the baby. I can't exactly leave the 5yo home alone or anything, but I *can* take a shower with the realistic expectation that nothing horrible (or even remotely horrible) will happen while I do so.
All three older kids are adjusting really well and loving (sometimes a little too much) on their new sister. At least the loving-a-little-too-much at ages 5, 8, and 10 means they're a little more in her face than I'd like, and are sure that they can get her to stop crying without my help thankyouverymuch, not that they're exploring her eyeballs with their fingers.
OK, I could probably ramble on semi-endlessly, since the baby is asleep and the other three are occupied doing various quiet things around the house, but I need to put bread in the oven and start making dinner.
PS - I suck at taking pictures. Somehow getting out the camera seems like a monumental task lately.
Loss, and Why I Have Been Absence
5 days ago