I really should stop using coffee the way I do. I've not had this problem before, but lately it has been giving me jitters even when I consume only one cup in the morning. I have to give up morning coffee. How strange would that be? A classmate of mine had a really great suggestion for how to do it, too, and minimize that horrific headache...don't drink the coffee until you feel the headache coming on, and it will happen later and later each day until your body gets used to not having that scheduled dose.
What would I do with my coffee stockpile (about a three weeks supply with daily use), though? I suppose I'd go through it eventually, just using it for special occassions. I've had good luck using a french press when I get called at a jittery middle-of-the-night time for a birth. And sometimes a coffee in the afternoon (for a while this was also on the schedule for me, but I've eliminated that already) is just NICE. I think what I really want is for coffee to be NICE again, and not something I HAVE to do in order to function.
The final straw has been this week. I go to sleep with BittyPrincess (who is FINALLY sleeping a sane number of hours, if not what would be expected at her age - approximately 9) and the bigger two (who sleep slightly less) stay up with Fran to watch a show/movie. I wake up just before BittyPrincess, go brew coffee, and usually manage to sit down long enough to take a couple of sips before she wakes up. Depending on some unknown but highly detested variable, she wakes up with anything from "the world is sunshine rainbow pony happiness!" to "FUCK THIS WORLD AND ALL THE PEOPLE IN IT" going on. Regardless, the older two swiftly follow her into consciousness (or near-consciousness, whatever). They all wallow around in semi-awake states as I finish my coffee and they start eating and moving. Generally, before my brain starts really processing, they start arguing and fighting. Then the coffee hits and I get jittery, and they argue and fight, and the world is UNPLEASANT. And I can't think to go online and do any work, but I can't think to go out and do something with them, so we free-wheel and lose at least an hour every morning figuring ourselves out.
I don't HAVE an hour (and more) every morning to be miserable and disorganized. And the coffee, which used to help, is now hurting.
So, I say my reluctant goodbye to my morning coffee. The thought almost makes me cry. I'm so attached to it. AH, morning coffee, you've been good to me, all these years. I've been with you almost as long as I've been with my husband. But our relationship has become dysfunctional. I need a separation. We can still see each other occassionally...I just need some space. *Cry* I'm sorry, brain, that I need to upset your balance like this. But it just isn't working anymore. *Sob* goodbye, morning coffee. I will miss you.
Thanksgiving Letter to the Family
3 weeks ago