Monday, February 25, 2008

15-year-old me

Morag tagged me...

So here goes.

15 year old me,

Please just clean your damn room. That shit is disgusting. It's not really that hard. Seriously, you're embarrassing me already.

Your parents are trying really really hard right now and working their asses off. Yes, you're missing a lot. There has to be a better way to communicate that than screaming "I hate babysitting!" at your mom. I don't think she really understands you when you do that.

That know the one...just talk to him. At your graduation he'll hug you and thank you for talking to him when he needed help, and you'll feel like an ass for missing out on a friend just because you felt awkward.

Just invite computer-room-guy to work out with you. It's what he's hinting at, really. He's just scared to look pathetic. You know it would be good to have a workout buddy. Your friends are being silly not wanting to bother working out.

Don't be an insecure ass when you get to the dorms. They like you. Don't make other people do all the work all the time; you'll live without the constant validation of having someone ASK you to come/go/do/be, and you'll have more fun that way, too.

Those good study skills you have now? Write a book or something, seriously. You make it look effortless.

Don't feel bad about not joining the student organizations and study groups and all that stuff you figured was for losers. It was. You made the right choice.

Ditch the asshole church and don't look back when they start playing games with you. Their happiness is not your responsibility, and they won't give a shit once you leave, anyway. It feels like they matter so much to you right now, and you're still having fun even though it's getting weird. But their support is conditional, and you don't need that shit. If you wait until you are 20 you will bring half the congregation with you...but they'll leave in their own time if you leave as soon as it starts getting bad. You'll all go your separate ways, any way you slice it.

From here until 19 is the best you'll ever look...use your powers for good. And no, distracting the computer nerds while you program twice as fast as them is not "good."

Alright, if you least gather yourself some self-esteem while you're at it. You rock. Even in the eyes of other people. You just don't know it yet because everybody is scared to tell you; that they'll let you know later, when it doesn't matter anymore.

Talk to your grandma. She wants you to call, and to visit. Once you move to WI, she'll want to see/talk to you more. Take her up on it. She's not going to be that witty forever, and in another decade, she won't even know who you are. Right now, she's got a lot she can tell you, and you might miss it if you brush her off.

What you are good at now and what you are good at/passionate about later are going to be different things, and you'll feel lost for a while. It will be OK. You'll find your ground again.

I tag Lory, Marie, and Danelle. I think technically it is "what message would you give 15 year old you" and I went a little overboard. My message would be more like "chin up, girl, you rock."


Morag said...

I'm sure you did at 15 too, cause you sure as hell do now.

~L~ said...

sigh. tagged me with THAT? No one wants to hear the messages I have for that poor, abused girl!

Niki said...

I coulda gone a different direction with this one, ~L~, considering that I didn't even make it out of my teens without getting pregnant. That, and I stuck with things I could have actually done stuff about. Not a letter to my parents/exboyfriend/whatever. I'm sure you can come up with something that would have been inspirational or warning to 15yo you. I wouldn't have tagged you otherwise. I KNOW you have lots of good stuff from your teen years, to go along with the shit.

Marie said...

"L" I am all ears HAve no idia what to say myself have to sleep on it :) And NIki would have been cool to knwo u back when. It is awsome knowing u now.

*d* said...

((((~l~)))) ITA with Niki, though. we loves ya.