Last Birth for Now

The birth I went to this morning was probably the last birth I'm going to with my preceptor (still on call tomorrow, but we've cleared off over half of the April due dates already). This was a gorgeous home birth, contractions never closer than about 5 minutes (they were 10 minutes apart at the very end!), and this primip had a second stage barely over an hour without pushing AT ALL.

During her labor, I'd repeatedly reassured her that she was doing well, doing beautifully, handling it well, and she'd expressed some doubt, but I'd chalked that all up to normal labor talk. When I said my farewells as I was getting ready to leave, I repeated "you did so wonderfully" and she looked me straight in the eye and asked earnestly "really, did I REALLY do well? Do you mean that?" Yes, I said, emphatically. I don't know if she really heard me, she didn't appear all that reassured. I don't know what got under her skin and made her think that somehow she was deficient, and it didn't hit me at first, but the more I think about it the more pissed off I am. This was a woman that CONQUERED birth. It was one of those setups that is supposed to be empowering. Instead I get "do you mean that?" Ugh, what went wrong?

I've enjoyed my time with this preceptor, and I do think that it has been a really great experience. I am not-quite-torn between being sad about this setup being over and being happy about the BREAK I'm getting between placements. Fran goes out of town in a few days, for almost two weeks. That will be interesting. The new quarter starts in two days, featuring the biggest baddest course of them all...Complications. I simultaneously look forward to it and dread it.

We're househunting again. Condo-hunting, more like it, in our price range. Feeling really defeated about it, and not terribly hopeful, but we've set a well-recommended realtor who is familiar with our income bracket on the task, and we'll see what happens. I'm getting slightly despirate to get out of this place, and I'd be happy to do it before my next placement begins in June.

BittyPrincess Strangeness

On second thought, the behavior about which I am blogging is about as normal as it gets. So BittyPrincess Normalness may be more fitting. I still think the whole phenomenon is strange...

We got BittyPrincess a new carseat the other day - a Nautilus - to remedy the fact that she is rapidly outgrowing her current seat's height limit and I don't yet trust her in a booster. She loved it, of course. Claimed it. Wanted to sit in the car HOURS before we were going anywhere. Sure thing, little weirdness.

She also, of course, LOVED LOVED LOVED the box. So much, in fact, that after hours upon hours (seriously, she played in that thing all fucking day, you just can't BUY that kind of entertainment), we got this:



Yup, she fell asleep for the night in her box. This is the first time she has EVER just gone ahead and put herself to bed. She even stayed there for a few hours before she stirred and I got too antsy and brought her to bed.

The next day, there was that box again! And we had MORE boxes! Oh, the FUN!! Kids are so strange.

Strange Dreams Last Night

My dreams last night had nothing to do with birth. They were about surveillance, being watched, being controlled. Very unpleasant and unrestful, which was not good. I was looking forward to a good solid rest.

This is spring break for me! I finished all my school work and all my finals last week - the bulk of it while MIL watched the kids on Thursday - and now I have a whole week to let go of feeling like I'm constantly scrambling to figure out what is due when and how behind I am. I think this quarter went by pretty well, after all, despite all of my confusion and the fact that I really relied on my classmates to panic about assignments due and cue me in that there were, in fact, assignments due. I learned that the online calendar does not work well for me, at least as far as organizing my school work goes. The wall calendar is a much better option, and I'll be returning to that next quarter.

Anxious for my grades. Mad at the school again, for something that is still panning out...

Yesterday, I took off with Girliness for some girly shopping eating and hair-cutting time. That was nice.

"Snowed In"

This is more a timekeeping/remembering post for me, since I'm not going to share the whole story here. Got snowed in at a long, slowly-progressing birth that culminated in thick mec, decels, very quick pushing stage, nucal cord/somersault delivery, a bad tear, and a happy healthy mom and baby. The snow and our distance from a hospital with an OB unit definitely affected the decision making processes. Scariest moment - "OK, Niki will manage the birth, listen to her, I'll be waiting with the bulb right next to her..." Best moment - lusty wonderful clear cries promptly after getting untangled. Decided to stay the "night" rather than brave the roads. Crashed promptly, it was bright and melting out when I woke up, the drive home was decent, I'm tired.