Saturday, April 05, 2008

Last Birth for Now

The birth I went to this morning was probably the last birth I'm going to with my preceptor (still on call tomorrow, but we've cleared off over half of the April due dates already). This was a gorgeous home birth, contractions never closer than about 5 minutes (they were 10 minutes apart at the very end!), and this primip had a second stage barely over an hour without pushing AT ALL.

During her labor, I'd repeatedly reassured her that she was doing well, doing beautifully, handling it well, and she'd expressed some doubt, but I'd chalked that all up to normal labor talk. When I said my farewells as I was getting ready to leave, I repeated "you did so wonderfully" and she looked me straight in the eye and asked earnestly "really, did I REALLY do well? Do you mean that?" Yes, I said, emphatically. I don't know if she really heard me, she didn't appear all that reassured. I don't know what got under her skin and made her think that somehow she was deficient, and it didn't hit me at first, but the more I think about it the more pissed off I am. This was a woman that CONQUERED birth. It was one of those setups that is supposed to be empowering. Instead I get "do you mean that?" Ugh, what went wrong?

I've enjoyed my time with this preceptor, and I do think that it has been a really great experience. I am not-quite-torn between being sad about this setup being over and being happy about the BREAK I'm getting between placements. Fran goes out of town in a few days, for almost two weeks. That will be interesting. The new quarter starts in two days, featuring the biggest baddest course of them all...Complications. I simultaneously look forward to it and dread it.

We're househunting again. Condo-hunting, more like it, in our price range. Feeling really defeated about it, and not terribly hopeful, but we've set a well-recommended realtor who is familiar with our income bracket on the task, and we'll see what happens. I'm getting slightly despirate to get out of this place, and I'd be happy to do it before my next placement begins in June.


Marie said...

I had no idia Fran was going to be out of town. Let me know any way I can help. I am glad u are getting a brake. U are doing so fantasticly. Can't tell u how proud I am to have u as a friend.

~L~ said...

I am so happy you're going on break.

*I* had no idea you were househunting again. We needs our IM chats again. Where ru looking?

Shannon said...

I had to comment on the 'doing well' part. I had my second baby 10 days ago. It was a fast labour...21 minutes between 7cm and delivered. Despite reasurrances from both my midwife and doula that i did very well. I don't feel like I did. I feel like I survived. Like labour happened and I was hanging on by my fingertips. (I did feel empowered, and strong after my first btw) I also have to believe no one is going to tell a newly delivered woman that she did a bad job, I could completely associate with the new mom's desire to know if she really did well or if that was just something people said. I am still struggeling to process the labour, I still have flashback during which I have the same stupid hip pain. Sorry for the super long comment...I just understand exactly how she feels.

Niki said...

Thank you, Shannon, it does make a lot more sense in that light.