Thursday, November 15, 2007

Random Parenting Rules

Parenting Math:

3 children x 3 harmonicas = ∞ potential to induce parental insanity

1(2 year old) + 1(5 year old) = 7 broken glasses in one month

1c milk + 1(5 year old) = 5 weeks of stinky carpet

300 pages midwifery care reading + 1(2 year old) = (1 very messy floor + 1 very mad mama + 2 hours refiling)x6 hours headache

5 minutes to complete an exam x 1(2 year old) = 2 vomiting episodes = 5 loads of laundry

2 completed vomiting episodes + 1 insanely stressed-out mommy + 1 week until the exam is graded = oh fuck, I can't add 2 + 1 + 1 anymore

1 broken dryer x 5 loads of laundry = 5 days of drying clothing/sheets in front of the woodstove

500sqft house x 5 days of stuff in the sole walkway into the kitchen = 2 insane parents

(2 parents / 3 kids)*(24 hours in a day) = accumulating mess and unfinished tasks, apparently increasing on a parabolic curve which plateaus at the shove-stuff-aside-to-walk-through-the-living-room point


Laws of Reduced Sleep:

The amount of time you need to complete an exam or assignment is directly proportional to the amount of time it will take your toddler to go to sleep.

The amount of time you need to complete an exam or assignment is directly proportional to the number of times your toddler will wake in the night.

Distilled to its purest form, the law of student-parent sleep is:

sleep lost = (time required)^2


Add some, would you?

6 comments:

~L~ said...

uhhhhhhhhhhhh............vomiting?

vomiting??????

*d* said...

yikes

Niki said...

Don't worry, not contagious. She choked on some apple. She is very not prone to that sort of thing, so of course, it happened during my exam.

Aimee said...

yikes lady! hope you get some sleep soon. any chance MIL could take kidlets for a weekend?

Sara said...

you can do math with little kids? I don't even try to do math.

I'm Sara, BTW. You recently introduced yourself on the Eastside Unschoolers list which I am also on, so Hello. I'm in Duvall and my daughters are 5 and 2.

Marie said...

hugs and brings some clouths over. we can have a londry party :) While u take a nap