Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I want to curl up in a corner and cry...

We didn't thank FIL for his gift fast enough (for like the third or fourth time - we're habitual offenders), and he's offended.

I didn't send off my package for my family yet...and they're in Hawaii. Not going to be on time. Again. CRAP.

In over 9 hours of clinic today, I saw 1 miscarriage, 2 blood pressure readings high enough to set my own heart galloping, 1 vbac consult that...I mean, her chances of not having a csection this time around are dishearteningly slim, 1 woman with twins who has had to transfer out of a more laidback homebirth practice into a hospital birth, 1 woman with life circumstances that just SUCK, 1 woman who is sitting at 41w with nary a sign of labor, and only ONE WOMAN who is having a happy, healthy, totally normal time of it.

I did, though, get to talk to a the lovely 9yo daughter of one of the high-bp-reading moms, and explain the function of all the parts of the NST equipment, and what it was measuring, and how we could tell baby was happy and when mom was having a contraction. It was some silver lining in the midst of a day full of telling people things they didn't want to hear.

My preceptor was saying she'd like to trade places with her dog. I want to cry, but it wouldn't fix anything because the distress these women feel isn't even mine, and the FIL issue and the my-family box aren't going to be fixed by a few tears. Instead I think I'm going to finish this blog entry, take a shower, and go read a very non-midwifery book. And head to the post office first thing in the morning.


*d* said...

Ugg. I spent time at the PO this morning. I never get anything out in time. And I just wrote a thank you note for wedding gifts from 2005 or maybe they got it to us in 2006. Sigh.

Aimee said...

Niki, I always love reading your posts.

I agree that tears don't fix anything but sometimes they help get out the things that are difficult coming through. Just like how some women need to "let go" to let their babies out, us non-preggos sometimes need to let go, let it out, and what better way is there than a good sobbing session?

May you restore the peace in your heart.