Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Hitting A Wall

I am pretty sure that my brain is finished for the quarter. Sometime around last Friday, my brain ceased to work. My ability to create a mental map of when assignments are due has completely and totally short-circuited. I forgot to turn two in and forgot another two existed. I went about my weekend blissfully unaware of my uncompleted shit, only to face the pileup on Monday. Yesterday, I managed to gather enough of my whits to author a LO for Gyn, but I'll be damned if I didn't wake up this morning thinking "fuck, I forgot to even discuss homeopathics!" But we haven't had that course yet and, well damn, it feels like I'm constantly overstretching my knowledge to write gyn LOs. I may have had enough with that class. Which is what this post was about in the first place, no? I've had enough learning for one quarter. Done. I don't really have control over it, my brain says so.

It is totally not helping any that it has been over a month since I've woken up feeling like I've had enough sleep. Every night, Her Royal Toddlerness wants to nurse a couple of times (she regressed from the nightweaned state during the flu, and hasn't yet recovered adequately to not need that extra 'meal' - I've tested it, she seems to really be hungry, waking again in a short while if I don't feed her but sleeping another good solid chunk if I do). Every morning, well before I'm ready, Boyness is invading my space and smiling at me, waiting for me to create his day for him. You'd think he'd know better, since the answer is some gentler version of "bug the fuck off!" every morning, but nah, smiling Boyness RIGHT IN MY FACE every morning, over and over again. You'd think that his happiness would be contagious, but honestly, there are mornings when it just makes me want to launch him bodily out the nearest window, to go spread sunshine somewhere ELSE and let me SLEEP, damnit.

And of course, I feel like I can't complain to Fran, because he gets even less sleep than I do. Nevermind that he NEEDS less sleep than I do...the simple fact that every morning when he leaves I am still asleep and can expect to continue being asleep for at least another hour makes it hard to complain and not feel like a big fat whiny-ass baby.

In other news, I sat in the sun for an hour yesterday and watched my kids run around at a park. Sitting in the sun, in short sleeves. Kids not demanding ANYTHING, dancing around happily, burning energy willingly. Best mental therapy I've had all month. I was actually able to sit and write something lucid in the evening.

1 comment:

Aimee said...

oh niki, i just love your posts!